|
beffers46
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
Gender: Female
Interests: I am very active in my church, as I spend a great deal of time working with the youth, driving the church van and helping out in little projects here and there.
I love to paint and sketch. I especially enjoy painting large children's murals. I have two beautiful dogs a black lab and a golden lab and I am taking advantage of my tme here in the states to enjoy my family.
Expertise: I am currently an Occupational Therapy practitioner who plans on moving overseas to be a full time medical missionary. I am planning on moving in the spring of 2004. I also am a licensed EMTB and I have a passion for working with children and adults with developmental disabilities.
Occupation: Medical
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/21/2003
|
|
| So after much prayer I have come to the conclusion that GOd wants me to be the youth pastor for a year. I am so scarred to even voice this to my pastor because then it will become a reality. What a terrifying responsibility! Praise God that the Healvenly Father equips those that he calls.
My heart is so sad that I am not going overseas right away. I watch world vision shows and just come out of my skin with urgency and compassion. HOwever God has told me that if I stay and become the youth pastor for a year then when I go over seas I will be more equipped and a more powerful tool to reach the lost and hearting in the midts of terrible crisis. | | |
| Hmm so this is an interesting cutting question. Is donating blood a positive, healthy, constructive alternative to cutting. To be honest I was under some serious emotional stress on Friday. I had a big disappointment that greatly upset me. I felt that I simply could not handle it. So instead of cutting I went and donated blood. This helped a lot. Of course is kept me from expressing and dealing with my emotions. Which I know is not a good thing. Hmm I must sound like a basket case. I am really not. well no more than anyone else.  | | |
| One more entry this AM. I have wanted to journal all of this stuff for quite a while now. I am just now getting time. I need to get it all out of my head so that I can spend some time listening, undistraced to ABBA.
Missions is my heart. It has been since I was 8. I have working on movng overseas for over a year now. Delay after Delay keep occuring and honestly I see the hand of God in much of it. I just want to be sooooooo careful. I do not want Satan to come along and trick me into trading the big God Vision within me for a lesser vision.
This week my pastor approached me. He asked me to consider putting off my move for another year and to commit to one full year of being the youth pastor. Hmm my heart is torn.
I want to be exactly where God wants me. And where ever he puts me I will give 120% . I just want to make the right desicion. | | |
| So I am trying to figure things out with my parents. I spent last weekend with them. Brave I know. I watched my little brother with them. For 16.5 yrs old, he is so open and close to them. It makes me sick. I realize that I do not even know where I fit in my family. I feel like a strager or an outsider around them. I have separated myself for so long. Idealy I want them to realize why I am hurt, apologize and become the parents that I have always wanted. I now see that this is never going to happen. DUH. THey did the best that they could do. And frankely it is impossible to wind back the clock to a point where they can be my parents as I wanted them to be. Now I am the adult child who has a separate and independant life. Who comes and visits and then leaves. I need to quit looking for them to be my parents. Instead I need to try to build an adult friendship with them.
The thought of spendng time with them as my parents makes me sick. However the thought of spending time with them and Adults/friends interests me. | | |
| So this is interesting. Why God brought me here I am not sure. You see I woke up this AM with a real desire for "Father daughter" Time with God. I wanted to go sit by the river and have a quiet time. Then go down the street to a christian coffee house that has Sofas as remote wireless internet. Well i get down to the river and it is all blocked off for some festival. So I go on to the coffee house. I get my coffee an have a seat. As I look accross the room I notice my Doctor. and he notices me. He is meeting with someone so i did not interupt and I know that HIPPA law states that he can not approach me. What makes this interesting is he has been treating me for my thyroid. Last week I finally got througth to him that I am completely misserable and in much pain and discomfort. He orders another ultrasound to see if and of the tumers have grown or changed (this is good info to know but it changes things very little I have had the same pain and discomfort for about a year now.) Anyway the ultrasound showed that every thing was about the same. So he calls me to tell me to take Advil of Aleeve. what a load of Crap! (sorry about my language.) I am actually getting to the point that I am having terrible thoughts about this ordeal. I do not want to kill myself but I have visited all of the possibilities of how I might surgically fix the problem on myself. I am part of the medical community, how could they screw me over like this. | | |
|
